i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
