does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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