Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
