fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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