Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
