Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
