he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you never un-have a 4some
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
