Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize