He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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