If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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