We won't sleep together?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize