My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
