I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
