I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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