nut hugger
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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