When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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