Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
