I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
