Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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