I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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