dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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