suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
