I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
