drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
