so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
