I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
