Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
