mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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