hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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