It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
