And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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