Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize