o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
