yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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