My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
