White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
