Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Randomize
