I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
