Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
