the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
