I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
