When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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