...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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