you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
