I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
