glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I cannot find my penis.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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