My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
