with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
