What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
