No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
