i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
