Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
