You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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