Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Randomize
