For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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