talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
