Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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