Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
