SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize