Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Drunk is not a location!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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