Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
