in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize