I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
