its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
