ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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