I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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