first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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