i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
