Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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