The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
