Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
