none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
