i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
