I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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