Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
