I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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