I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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