Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
