Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
