i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
