I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
