Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
