1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
