Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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