So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
