Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
