I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
