he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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