his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
