He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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