Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize