you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
