I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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