apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
