Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
