Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize