Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
