Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
