Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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