dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
