Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
