Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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