I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
