there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
